


THOSE AREN'T FUCKING BEES

by LiteralCancerTM



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Bad Touch Trio | Bad Friend Trio, Bees, Crack, Crack Taken Too Seriously, M/M, Wasps, its in the second and third chapter, not really prumano
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18246788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiteralCancerTM/pseuds/LiteralCancerTM
Summary: Gilbert has the bright idea to piss off some bees.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For my old man buddy uwu

Golden sun flittered down from a bright blue sky. Green grass tickled the legs of the three men as they walked along a meadow, just relishing in each other’s company. No one was complaining about not partying or not causing mischief as they usually would.. They were calm and relaxed in the sun-soaked meadow. That is until they came to the outskirts of the forest. There, nestled among the branches of a healthy looking oak tree hung a beehive.

The eldest of the three, Gilbert, turned to his friends, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. That only meant trouble was brewing inside his head. A plan that he’d force the others to enact. Though, with the relaxed tone of their setting, no one would likely argue it, Whatever it was. “Hey, guys,” the silver-haired man spoke, excited to get his idea out there, although with seeing the beehive, Francis and Antonio already knew what he was going to say, “We should totally go and piss off those bees.”

That earned a snort from the Spaniard and an eye roll from the Frenchman. However, as predicted, neither protested. Francis had mumbled a ‘Sure, let’s have a little fun,’ and Antonio a ‘As long as you do it, too.’

The three strolled over to the hive, just stopping a couple feet short of it. Francis didn’t think it looked like a beehive.. it was too long and narrow. And the bees around it.. They were bigger than he remembered. He shook the thoughts away, figuring it was just a lack of him going outside. He nervously fidgeted with his hair. Despite agreeing to do this, he really did not want to. But it was too late now..

Antonio had the same thoughts about the hive as well. But no one was speaking up about it, so he wasn’t going to either. Maybe he would have if the atmosphere had been more chaotic or even busy, but he didn’t want to ruin what they had now. It was rare they got out of their chaotic lives, being nations (That wasn’t including Gilbert; he got off easy). Yet here they were, about to piss off a bunch of bees.

Meanwhile, Gilbert had busied himself with finding a long stick or a branch. He didn’t want to poke the thing head on: he might not be smart, but he wasn’t stupid. “Soooo, anyone allergic to bee stings?” he asked, though right after realizing they wouldn’t be doing this if one of them had been allergic.

“I’m not,” was the reply from Francis, his hand waved in a somewhat dismissive manner.

“Me neither!” Antonio piped up, bouncing on his heels slightly. 

“Awesome. Here we go!” With almost giddy anticipation, Gilbert started reaching the long stick he’d found out towards the hive. A joyful laugh escaped his lips as he poked the hive not one time, not four times, but three times. That was enough to send a dark cloud of bees out of the hive.. It reminded all three of them of those old cartoons.. “RUN!” the albino shouted, chucking the stick one last time at the hive then sprinting away.

Antonio and Francis didn’t have to be told twice as they headed for home. However, as fast as they were, the insects were faster. While the adrenaline was totally worth it to Gilbert, an adrenaline junky, it was not to his buddies. All three were getting stung left, right and center as they ran blindly in the direction of civilization. 

They ran for so long, probably a good three minutes, which seemed a lot longer as they were getting chased by these horrific insects. Gilbert’s lungs burned in his chest as his legs felt wobbly. With the adrenaline starting to wear off, he could barely run any longer and he figured Antonio couldn’t either.

As for Francis? He’d tripped over his own feet and taken to the ground where he was attacked mercilessly by these Devil’s advocates. His arms were protecting his head and face from the barrage of stings. One thing he thought.. there were no way these were bees! Didn’t they die after one sting?? He’d seen a couple sting him more than once.. His thoughts were interrupted by Antonio heaving him up by the arm and forcing him to run.


	2. Chapter 2

“You could at least knock before coming in!” Lovino complained as he heard his house guests stumble through the door from where he was in the kitchen. How had he been roped into letting them stay at his house while they were on vacation? He had no idea. The guy liked his solitude. Perhaps it was just the cute puppy dog eyes Gilbert had given him, though he was normally able to resist those. Or how he owed Antonio a favour and he hated owing people. Maybe it was when Francis wouldn’t stop begging him? Either way, they were all there in his house.

“Yeah, give us a break, huh?” Gil called. He sounded weird to Lovino- he seemed to talk with a little bit of a lisp and mumbled much more when his English was very sharp on his tongue. That sparked slight concern in the Italian, so he left the meal he was making on the counter in favour of checking on his boyfriend.

Upon coming into the den, he was utterly floored. There were three very pouty, very swollen men in his living room. “Woah! What the fuck happened to you bastards, eh?” he asked, walking over to curiously examine them all. No wonder they hadn’t knocked…

Francis seemed to have been crying, the way his eyes were puffy, unlike the rest of his his face, and the way he had the marks of tears down his cheeks. His arms and legs were covered in large, swollen, red bumps, much like Gilbert and Antonio. It kind of made him feel queasy.. he never had the strongest of stomachs.

Antonio looked a little worse than Francis; his arms and legs were covered in the same sort of bumps, but there were a couple in the tanned skin of his face as well. But.. he hadn’t been crying- that he could tell.

Gilbert, on the other hand, seemed to have it the worst. His entire face was swollen, past the extent of Antonio’s.. His pale white skin was nearly firetruck red.. Albino’s skin was delicate, was what Lovino figured. And the man looked like he was holding back tears.. the way his cheeks puffed out in a pout and his lower lip quivered. But by looking at his eyes, it was easy to say they were angry tears.

“Gilbert forced us to provoke bees!” Francis complained in this whiny, high-pitched voice that immediately pissed Lovino off. He could only take that voice from Gilbert if anyone. 

“Hey! I didn’t force anyone! It was your own damn fault for agreeing!” Gilbert protested, voice cracking at the end of his sentence. The man immediately wiped his eyes with his arm, hissing when the skin rubbed and made him feel a burning sensation.

Antonio stayed quiet.

The Italian blinked, absolutely astonished by the stupidity of these three men. Had there been no harm done, he would have laughed at them, but seeing Gil like that and knowing he was the worst off out of all three, made him pretty pissed. “What the hell were you idiots thinking??” he demanded, tone sharp, “Three full grown adult men couldn’t come up with the thought that, oh, I don’t know-“ He scoffed a bit, hand waving around, floundering for something to say- “You shouldn’t provoke a whole hive of bees because they’ll sting you??” He watched them with something of satisfaction as they lowered their heads in shame.. Or maybe it was to brace against Lovino’s words.

Francis mumbled something that no one was able to hear. After being prompted by a sharp-tongued Lovino to ‘speak the fuck up’, he repeated himself louder. “I don’t think those were bees.. They were big and they weren’t dying after stinging us..”

Then it clicked in place for all four of them. Of course, Lovino was the first to say anything. “You provoked wasps?!?!” he nearly spat out. He knew they were stupid, but not that stupid. He dragged a hand down his face, absolutely done with these idiots. “You guys didn’t look at that nest and think that maybe something was off? Maybe the ‘bees’ were actually wasps? Judged on their appearance? Good Lord!”

By the look of the group, Lovino decided they had enough.. They had a long day and the yelling wasn’t helping, he knew that. He would have felt bad.. But he didn’t. It was that simple. Now, seeing as the nation was very well off in terms of assets, he had a huge house. A huge house meant plenty of space to get washed up. “All of you, go have a Bath. I don’t care if it’s with each other or separately, but it’s going to make you feel better.” Seeing as there was no one to, he was going to have to mother them.

As Gilbert made his move to go and take a bath like ordered to, Lovino grabbed his arm and held him down as he watched the others trudge away. He let him go when they were gone. “I’m helping you bathe,” he mumbled.

“Lovi, I don’t need help?” Gilbert looked up at him, questioning. He thought he could bathe just fine, he wasn’t a little kid who was helpless to the world.

Lovino shrugged. He just wanted to make sure Gilbert was okay. “Whatever. C’mon.” He dragged him off to the bathroom.


End file.
